A New Trail Map: For When You’re Tired of Pretending Everything is Fine.
- April Turner
- Apr 6
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 12
A way to show up just as you are.
In rural communities, we’re often expected to keep it together. Strength is a value, and so is privacy. But sometimes, the pressure to seem fine becomes too much to carry—especially when what you’re feeling on the inside doesn’t match what people expect from you on the outside. This post isn’t about labeling or diagnosing you. It’s about offering a trail map—a quiet, respectful guide—for anyone who’s ever felt the tension of wanting connection, but fearing judgment. A way to show up just as you are, even if your voice shakes. Even if your hands do too.
Why This Matters to Me (CEO, Real Human)
I know what it’s like to carry more than anyone can see. I know what it is like to be strong because you have to be, to hold space for others while silently wondering, “But what about me?” I know what it's like to have made some gnarly mistakes and to have shown the world my worst and still try to live a different or healthier way, and it still feel like it is all too much damage to change or try. I also knwo what it's like to carry that stuff in the mind that are best forgotten yet play commercial free in the mind, while still trying to be just who I am. I know this can feel impossible but I also know it is doable especially with community support.
That’s part of the reason why I created this non-profit and this peice. Because I believe healing should never make someone feel more alone or less than. Because I’ve seen what happens when people have one quiet place to just be—even if they’re not ready to speak yet.
If you’re someone who’s tired of acting like it's all good on the outside while the inside is a freaking disaster, this is your sign:
You don’t have to power through it here.
You don’t have to be ready.
You just have to be real, in whatever way you can.
It Doesn’t Always Look Like “Anxiety”
Social Anxiety Disorder is more than shyness. It’s a deep, persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations—especially when being watched, speaking up, or trying something new. This fear can make people avoid things they care about—like friendships, classes, work, or events—even though they want to be there.
It often starts in childhood or adolescence, and without support, it can grow into isolation, depression, or unhealthy coping behaviors. Social anxiety doesn’t always look like panic or avoidance.
Sometimes it looks like overthinking everything you say or do in a social situation, avoiding places where you might have to talk or be seen, feeling exhausted after simple conversations, smiling on the outside while bracing on the inside. This doesn't mean you lack "people skills" rather there is often a lack of safety or healthy "coping skills."
This isn’t weakness. And you’re not broken. In fact, what you’re feeling may be a protective response that makes perfect sense in the context of your life, relationships, or community.
Solutions that Are Accessible and Here
Community as Practice, Not Performance
There’s something powerful that happens when you show up as yourself in a room full of people who get it—who are also practicing, also learning, also trying not to disappear or people-please or panic. In our community spaces, you don’t have to be outgoing. You don’t have to explain your silence or your tears. You don’t even have to make eye contact if you’re not there yet. We are buildign and maintaining space and community activities where you can share when things are hard like, "Hey I know I am being short with you and seem irritable but I am really just practicing being comfortable and safe here."
Because everyone here is practicing too.That means:
No one takes your withdrawal personally
No one judges your nervous laugh or shaky voice
No one expects you to have it all figured out
Instead, we just keep showing up—for ourselves and each other. Community, at its best, is a space where healing happens naturally—not by fixing, but by witnessing. What we are seeing over and over again with each community event or small group, is that this is being accepted, embraced, and applied beyond our River Sage Revival Space.
You don’t have to be anything but you. Not better. Not different. Just here. And that’s enough.
Family-Based Therapy Models: A Relational Way to Heal
Unlike individual-focused therapy models, Family-Based CBT (F-CBT) and Family-Based ACT (F-ACT) recognize that our anxiety doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s shaped by our families, roles, upbringing, and the messages we’ve internalized—like “don’t be too much,” “stay quiet,” or “be strong.” It is Marriage & Family Therapy (MFT) but it is best understood as Systemic Therapy because it is the way of seeing a complex situation in a clearer way. These models don’t just treat symptoms—they explore how social anxiety forms in relationships, and how healing often starts through relationships.
That might mean:
Making space for feelings instead of avoiding them
Taking small, values-based steps toward connection
Challenging unhelpful beliefs and practicing new behaviors
Choosing safe people who don’t expect you to perform
This isn’t about forcing yourself to “get over it.” It’s about finding a way forward that honors who you are and where you’ve been.
Medication—Not a Cure, Not a Weakness, it’s a tool.
While therapy is often the first-line treatment, some individuals may benefit from medication to reduce overwhelming symptoms and improve daily functioning. It helps create space so therapy and healing practices can take root.
Commonly prescribed meds and how they may help include:
SSRIs (e.g., Sertraline, Paroxetine): Help regulate mood and reduce anxiety symptoms over time.
SNRIs (e.g., Venlafaxine): Sometimes used when SSRIs aren’t effective.
Beta-blockers (e.g., Propranolol): Can reduce physical symptoms like racing heart before public speaking.
Benzodiazepines (e.g., Clonazepam) – Short-term use only; not recommended long-term due to dependency risk.
A NewTrail Map for the Road Ahead
At River Sage Revival, we created a resource called “A New Trail Map”—not a clinical tool, but a discreet, compassionate guide. This guide offers evidence based wisdom with real life wisdom. We know that for many, therapy is not the first step. Sometimes it starts with taking a walk with someone who listens, doing a short workbook exercise, listening to a podcast that doesn’t judge, or go to a community workshop where no one expects you to speak. This trail map is one that doesn’t ask you to fix yourself, but instead gently offers six ways to begin:
Name it – Understanding that what you’re feeling has a name: social anxiety
“This is social anxiety.” In family-based CBT, naming patterns is a first step toward change (Leichsenring et al., 2021). You’re not just shy. You’ve likely been wired for caution after painful or overwhelming social experiences. Naming it is not weakness—it’s awareness.
Validate it – Honoring that your response is rooted in lived experiences
“This makes sense.” Family-based ACT emphasizes accepting discomfort without needing to fix it right away (Cowan et al., 2022). If you’ve learned to stay quiet, small, or on alert to avoid rejection or embarrassment, your body is doing its best to protect you. The fear may be real—but so is your ability to build trust again.
Learn & try tools – Using free, evidence-based supports privately or in therapy
“Understanding brings relief.” In both F-CBT and F-ACT, learning how thoughts, emotions, and avoidance interact helps reduce self-blame (Bandelow et al., 2022). You can explore tools privately or with a therapist. Try:
"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown: This book weaves self-compassion with mindfulness. It goes to the core of social anxiety—the belief that we are somehow not enough or too much in a rural way.
The Anxiety Coaches Podcast: Compassionate tips you can listen to in the background
The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook (Hope & Heimberg): A therapy-based guide that helps you reflect and take gentle action
Take small steps – Practicing presence and vulnerability in safe ways
“Even with anxiety, you can still move forward.” F-ACT focuses on values-driven action—even while discomfort is present. Whether that means texting a friend, going to the store, or just making eye contact, you’re already doing brave work (Neff & Germer, 2020). Exposure doesn’t have to be extreme—it just has to be intentional and repeated.
Connect with safe people – You don’t need many, just a few good ones
“You don’t have to do this alone.” Healing from social anxiety isn’t just about the individual—it’s also about the system. In F-CBT, family and community relationships are seen as powerful healing tools (Cowan et al., 2022). Find people who feel steady, who don’t expect performance, who allow silence and slowness. You deserve support that doesn’t drain you.
Reflect, rest, revisit – Because healing isn’t linear, and you don’t have to rush
“Progress isn’t linear—but it’s still progress.” Self-compassion and rest are part of change. F-ACT highlights that building flexibility—not perfection—is the goal (Levy et al., 2021). Notice what worked. Notice what didn’t. Then gently, return to the next right step.
These steps are supported by current research in anxiety treatment and family systems work. They’re flexible, trauma-informed, and designed with your reality in mind—not someone else’s timeline.
Confidential. Gentle. Built for You.
This trail map was originally created as a brochure to be folded up in your truck console or tucked between pages of a book. It was expanded on in this blog to be bookmarked on your phone or laptop so you could use it when you need it. Grab a brochure from us and enjoy the trail map that was created to be personalized and useful.
It’s yours. And it’s okay if no one else knows you’re reading it.
Let’s Start Where You Are
That’s part of how healing happens, too. If you’re ready, we’re here.
With kindness.
With honesty.
With space for you to show up just as you are.
Whether you’re interested in CHW support, community-based care, or just want to grab the Trail Map and think about it later—we’re here. No one’s going to rush you. If you don't know what any of this stuff is, we are here to share with you all the cool resources and how we work extra hard to make this stuff accessible financially and literally. You can contact us, come to an event, or take one quiet step on your own using these resources. Even if that’s just reading this and breathing for a minute.
We're walking this trail too. Let’s walk it together, when it feel like a little too much, just as you are.
Rooted in Evidence (References):
Family-Based CBT (Leichsenring et al., 2021; Bandelow et al., 2022)
Family-Based ACT (Cowan et al., 2022; Neff & Germer, 2020)
Tools we recommend: The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook, and The Anxiety Coaches Podcast
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